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Thursday, August 30, 2007

I'm at home this morning nursing my flu..plus my infectious status isn't too good for the little babies at the hospital. :( sigh wanted to sleep more but then my blocked nose made it hard :( the tutors at the hospital have been robbing me of my sleep...making us wake up for 8am classes for the last 2 mornings and then canceling on us at the last minute.

I had a productive weekend :) not in the homework sense but in that I bought a new shelf for my room! I got tired of having to try to stuff notes and books into the few already full shelves that I had. so things are much neater now, plus i've got a couple extra shelf spaces for displaying some photos:)

headache now :( think I'm going to lie down....
~me~ at 1:30 PM

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I'm sick :( as in feverish, flu-ish & a sore throat...help :( I'm just going to bed & praying I wake up feeling alot less lousy.
~me~ at 1:35 AM

Friday, August 24, 2007

in a mixed mood now..i'm somehow feeling tired, sick but contented at the same time.

my sister received a parking fine from her stolen car this week..so the police found the car abandoned at a HDB carpark where the fine has been issued. The car was completely empty (the baby seat, cds, the little hanging cross, insurance papers were all taken) plus the fuel cap was gone and there wasn't a single drop of petrol left. so sad :( why does the thief have to take even little personal things like the stuffed toy smiling sun that would dangle in front of lucas's seat, or the cross hanging from the mirror? i doubt these things would have benefited him/her in the least..its just like how if someone had stolen my wallet, i would be most upset by losing my IC, the little card from ruth, the photo of me and my sisters. personal things that matter most to us often don't cost alot, but they mean so much more in terms of sentimental value..

haha i remember how we would exchange the silliest little gifts before every band concert or competition. like for reunion, the juniors sewed us these long blue things filled with pillow stuffing which were completely useless, but it obviously took so much time to make them:) then there were the mini dustbins, the mahjong tiles, the photo collages:) then there were the many many innovative ways people wrote cards and messages..i remember hiuchee's cards were always the most meticulous:) all these cards and gifts currently reside in a huge box stuffed inside my cupboard in my room back in singapore..and i know everytime i sort through all the paraphernalia, i can't help smiling..cos although all of these things may be essentially rubbish to another person, they hold so much more in terms of memories and images for me:) i miss band :( among other things.
~me~ at 1:23 AM

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

day 2 of paediatrics..i like:) i'm pretty surprised so far that most of the young patients i've seen this week have been so guai..all the little babies seem relatively comfortable with letting us medical students poke and examine them..and the younger kids are so sweet:) even this little baby girl who had a battery down her throat was smiling and babbling at us although i imagine it can't be very comfortable having a battery stuck in your windpipe.

on the flip side, there have been scarier moments..sigh. you never really realise how lucky you are to be born healthy. there are all these poor kids with congenital abnormalities, and its usually not anyone's fault at all. and i like this question my tutor posed: "What percentage of parents would donate their own kidney to their child if they could? 100%." parents (most parents anyway) really would do anything for their children. i can't imagine what i would do or feel if i was a parent and my child had a stroke. or if my baby started seizing.

so anyway, its really been an interesting couple of days, though i've been feeling a little under the weather this week :( maybe its just that time of the month.

i had a really really good dream last night..and it was so real. i think to an extent, it was so good that i wanted so hard to believe that it was real. and then when i woke up, i just felt so lousy. cos real life didn't play out as in the dream; if anything, real life is the complete opposite of what happened in that dream. why does my own silly brain have to keep reminding me of what i've lost?
~me~ at 10:05 PM

Sunday, August 19, 2007

ay..so the catching-up-on-sleep plan isn't working out too well..i just got back from louisa's..nice night of catching up with the girls:) so i'm hyped up on caffeine and sugar now..and i've gotta wake up for church in..6 hours?

hmm. it bothers me how i just spent money on a car when others are scrimping and working to earn money just so they can pay for their daily living. or how i get annoyed over a pregnant woman avoiding us when friends have bigger problems :( and maybe instead of sitting around being frustrated over lesser things, i should do something.

i spoke to my mom today:) and hearing her voice makes me realize how much i miss her :( and although left unspoken, i hope she knows :p
~me~ at 4:06 AM

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Well alot of today felt like quite a waste of time :( morning lecture got postponed (after we had spent half the time waiting for the lecturer) and our interview with the pregnant lady got postponed (several times)...hmm. actually, just listing out these things doesn't make it seem like that much of time wasted:) although I was rather annoyed at the time :p i mean, i can understand that its pretty much a full-time job taking care of a newborn child, but then if you can't make it at a certain time, why agree to it in the first place? postponing once I can understand, twice is abit rude, three times is annoying, four times is just GAARH. :(

and I thought perhaps it was just me at first, but my group mates are pretty frustrated as well. Not just at the pregnant lady, but at the university, for coming up with this silly assignment, in which we're attached to this lady who doesn't seem all that willing to be a part of all this. I mean, its nice of these women to agree to be a part of the project, but then if you don't want to do it, then don't agree to do it in the first place! would save us all a whole lot of trouble. sigh sigh. ok relax. i suppose from their point of view, they probably didn't realise exactly what they were signing on for when the university cajoled them into participating in the project.

anyway....on the bright side, its the weekend!i like fridays:) first thing on the list of to-dos for the weekend, catching up on my sleep...
~me~ at 1:49 AM

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I don't like it when people don't keep their promises :( but I like to believe that people who don't stick to their promises don't believe that they are actually eventually going to end up not keeping their word. or maybe they forgot.

had some loooong lectures today..even the 2 cups of coffee I drank did little to help keep me awake. and people who know how sensitive i am to caffeine really know the significance of that statement. the tutorial today was abit stressful..i can't help feeling like the tutor is expecting us to know more than what we seem to know. maybe its just me. hah and i think i was just really lucky that the only questions i had answers to were the ones she directed at me. :) or perhaps i just am able to think with more clarity under some form of stress? hmm.

i just had dinner..but still hungry..why why?

lionel: obstetrics and gynaecology!
nic: yep i will:) i just feel lost at times :(
xinli: heh. but how do we know is the right thing to do? so many choices. and thanks thanks for the thoughtful gift dear:) haha i spent some time wondering how to put it on!
~me~ at 10:27 PM

Monday, August 13, 2007

waiting. it's about getting ready, and getting yourself prepared for that moment when you can stop waiting. unfortunately, patience has never really been one of my best qualities.

I think I'm the kind of person to have to put in alot of effort to get the same result as others. I don't think I'm smart, but I try to work hard. though I know I shouldn't compare, I know I shouldn't complain, I just can't help thinking that its gonna be like this for the rest of my life..of course life includes working hard, but some people just seem to get things done so much more easily and with less effort. and it may be easy to say its not about the final result, its about the journey there, but in the end the endpoint does count. maybe its just the expectations I put on myself, of the expectations I feel that others put on me.

i was just daydreaming. if I could maybe just not study, if I could just go back to singapore, if I could just play piano and percussion all day, if I could just be more talented at the things that I do, if I could be more talented at writing, if I could somehow write a novel expressing my thoughts, if I could one day write God's word. You have no idea how much I admire all those good writers, of both song and word. but oh well, I suppose that will have to wait awhile..maybe after I've gained more life experience. experience. friends keep telling me they're feeling old, that we're getting old..but in terms of life experience, we still have so much more to do, to see! I think its ironic how many people of my age I know who feel hemmed in and feel trapped, when we are all still so young of experience and there is just so much more to do.

I wish I could somehow channel my thoughts into writing a piece of music that everyone would somehow understand the thoughts that I was trying to convey. I wish I could find one thing that I really love doing, that I am really good at, that I could do right now. sigh. who knows. perhaps one day God will give me the clarity and ideas to do these things. maybe when I'm older, or maybe in heaven? maybe I'm imagining too much right now. when I should be doing some work...
~me~ at 10:04 PM

Saturday, August 11, 2007

My elder sister says I should end each day thinking of the good things that happened that day, no matter how small or insignificant each event may seem. So for today, I am thankful that..

1. I found a good parking lot at the hospital:) It usually takes us about 10min to find a legitimate parking space. today we almost immediately got an all-day spot.
2. Afternoon lectures ended an hour early:) plus we got an extended lunch break..I spent it just talking and lazing around the LT.
3. olivia lent me her CMT notes to read! cos I was blur enough to forget to bring the notes I had especially woken up early that day to print out. bah.
3. I got a really sweet care package from xinli! heh with very a nice bracelet (all the way from turkey) and note:) thanks so much dear:)
4. I had a nice little chat with my sister:) I'm glad that in the midst of our busy lives, we still make time for one another.

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9
~me~ at 1:54 AM

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I've been a little out of sorts this week..But this week was also fun. :) I realise every year all over again how many august babies I know. Heh there really are alot of birthdays in august. I suppose parents were busy during the christmas hols:)

Its so nice to always have someone there for you:) I just get so tired of superficial conversation sometimes..at times I just feel like curling up under my covers, and not talking. Its hard to find someone you can talk to, and harder to find someone you feel comfortable not talking to, someone you can just sit with in companiable silence.

but it occurs to me that as much as I complain, I'm not a very good friend at times too :( I've never been one to share everything about myself to other people..and I sometimes feel bad because the other person seems to be sharing alot more with me than I am with him/her. Maybe its the way I was brought up or the experiences that I've had, but I seem to have built this wall around me, one that only a select few seem to be able to get through. So to my friends reading this, I really am thankful to have you in my life, even if I don't show it at times.

sigh. what a weird post. I told you I was feeling out of sorts. Maybe I just need sleep. I really don't feel like going for class today :(

~me~ at 10:13 AM

Monday, August 06, 2007

here's my way of putting up the flag for national day!:)

I really miss him. But he said hello to me on the phone today! and my sister says he's been asking for me:) she told him I was "gone in an aeroplane". So now when she asks him where I am, he points upwards towards the sky. Haha which isn't entirely accurate but still very cute:)

So this is the third week of this new course..I'm definitely enjoying it more than my last course:) though everything still seems somewhat disorganised..have seen some interesting patients on the wards, and I've seen some moody moms too (we're doing O&G now)..but overall its been good:)

My weekend was fun:) stopped by maroubra beach yesterday..the sun was shining and the sky was oh so blue:) spent some time watching the surfers attempting to ride the waves..was quite interesting to see so many of them lined up in the ocean, then they would all attempt to catch an incoming wave, but in the end only one or two persistant surfers rode all the way inland..but it was cool to see them trying, and I think it looks really hard.

I was kinda surprised when my sister told me that her car got stolen. As in, she left it parked at her HDB block and it was just gone when she returned the next day :( I guess I knew this sort of thing happened but I was just surprised. I'm more paranoid now about locking up the car whenever I park it :p well, her car was getting old (almost 17yrs old) and she was getting a new one anyway..during the holidays, I remember hearing this scary thunking noise from the left back tire..told my sister about it but she said she was gonna get a new car soon..maybe her car getting stolen was God's way of saying "your car's getting too dangerous to drive around!" still. its irritating and sad to have your car (or anything else) taken away from you :(
~me~ at 9:37 PM