germy.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Most of the time, we're responsible for our own actions, and when something bad happens as a result of those actions, we have no one to blame but ourself. So then, if we know that that's true, why is it we still go on committing the same mistakes, and then end up feeling really lousy over them?

I had a really sad dream last night. I dreamt I died (yes I know that sounds morbid, but don't worry I'm not having suicidal thoughts or anything) and that I had come back as a ghost..that I was floating among my families and friends, watching them live their daily life, watching as they cried at my funeral, as they talked about me..and it just felt so frustrating not being able to say anything to them, to tell them I was alright, and that I was right next to them :(

And there were so many things I had wanted to do in my life that I hadn't done, and I just felt so sad :( but the saddest thing was just watching everyone else cry, without being able to do anything. I remember feeling regret, for things I had done, for things I hadn't yet done, and for not telling all my loved ones how much I really care for them. Right now, I just feel like giving each of my family members a hug. I feel like laughing and crying with my friends. I feel like giving lucas a biiig kiss on the cheek. I feel like giving buster a bath.

I think I'm usually quite reserved when it comes to expressing my feelings to another person. Maybe cos I sometimes feel bad unloading a heap of worries on another, or I sometimes just wish a situation would disappear if I stop thinking about it long enough.So if you haven't heard these words from me for awhile, or I've never said them to you before in person, it's not because I don't care or I don't want to share my thoughts; it's just that sometimes we may assume some things are unspoken, and as a result we don't say these things out aloud, and we sometimes take for granted that the people around us are always going to be there, when the truth is, anything can happen.

~me~ at 4:59 PM

my search for verve

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 Most of the time, we're responsible for our own actions, and when something bad happens as a result of those actions, we have no one to blame but ourself. So then, if we know that that's true, why is it we still go on committing the same mistakes, and then end up feeling really lousy over them? I had a really sad dream last night. I dreamt I died (yes I know that sounds morbid, but don't worry I'm not having suicidal thoughts or anything) and that I had come back as a ghost..that I was floating among my families and friends, watching them live their daily life, watching as they cried at my funeral, as they talked about me..and it just felt so frustrating not being able to say anything to them, to tell them I was alright, and that I was right next to them :( And there were so many things I had wanted to do in my life that I hadn't done, and I just felt so sad :( but the saddest thing was just watching everyone else cry, without being able to do anything. I remember feeling regret, for things I had done, for things I hadn't yet done, and for not telling all my loved ones how much I really care for them. Right now, I just feel like giving each of my family members a hug. I feel like laughing and crying with my friends. I feel like giving lucas a biiig kiss on the cheek. I feel like giving buster a bath. I think I'm usually quite reserved when it comes to expressing my feelings to another person. Maybe cos I sometimes feel bad unloading a heap of worries on another, or I sometimes just wish a situation would disappear if I stop thinking about it long enough.So if you haven't heard these words from me for awhile, or I've never said them to you before in person, it's not because I don't care or I don't want to share my thoughts; it's just that sometimes we may assume some things are unspoken, and as a result we don't say these things out aloud, and we sometimes take for granted that the people around us are always going to be there, when the truth is, anything can happen. ~me~ at 4:59 PM
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