germy.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Most of the time, we're responsible for our own actions, and when something bad happens as a result of those actions, we have no one to blame but ourself. So then, if we know that that's true, why is it we still go on committing the same mistakes, and then end up feeling really lousy over them?

I had a really sad dream last night. I dreamt I died (yes I know that sounds morbid, but don't worry I'm not having suicidal thoughts or anything) and that I had come back as a ghost..that I was floating among my families and friends, watching them live their daily life, watching as they cried at my funeral, as they talked about me..and it just felt so frustrating not being able to say anything to them, to tell them I was alright, and that I was right next to them :(

And there were so many things I had wanted to do in my life that I hadn't done, and I just felt so sad :( but the saddest thing was just watching everyone else cry, without being able to do anything. I remember feeling regret, for things I had done, for things I hadn't yet done, and for not telling all my loved ones how much I really care for them. Right now, I just feel like giving each of my family members a hug. I feel like laughing and crying with my friends. I feel like giving lucas a biiig kiss on the cheek. I feel like giving buster a bath.

I think I'm usually quite reserved when it comes to expressing my feelings to another person. Maybe cos I sometimes feel bad unloading a heap of worries on another, or I sometimes just wish a situation would disappear if I stop thinking about it long enough.So if you haven't heard these words from me for awhile, or I've never said them to you before in person, it's not because I don't care or I don't want to share my thoughts; it's just that sometimes we may assume some things are unspoken, and as a result we don't say these things out aloud, and we sometimes take for granted that the people around us are always going to be there, when the truth is, anything can happen.

~me~ at 4:59 PM

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing things the way God would want me to. If I'm living my life the way I should be, or the way I want to. It's just so hard to understand at times, why certain things have to happen, or why sometimes some things just can't happen.

This is a direct quote from my dear mother:

foods + buying fake watches & t-shirts + LV, DIOR sunglasses + Bunds + fun bargaining = shanghai tour (QED)

I wish equations like these were all I had to study. Haha. I have no idea what a "bund" is by the way.

Weather today is a max of 34 degrees! hot :p gelato please.....

~me~ at 7:07 PM

Sunday, March 18, 2007

The Servant Song

Brother let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony.

Richard Gillard

ruth: heh hmm I'm home most nights:) not sure what time that is for you though:)
olivia: haha I think all babies look cute la:) its all part of the attachment theory thing right?
xinli: haha no idea what happened. sob.

~me~ at 6:23 PM

Friday, March 16, 2007

"Pssst..let me tell you a secret..."

"Things are really alot simpler when you're a kid...you don't have to worry about responsibilities, studies, or the adult world..everything just seems fun and colourful and musical and everything little thing from taking your first bite of ice cream to tying your shoelaces for the first time is a new and wonderful experience.."

hai. I so wish I could be a kid once more. I didn't appreciate being a kid enough when I was one. And now life's all about studies, responsibilities, and thinking about the future. Not that these are bad things, but sometimes I just wish that time would stop still, and I could have some time to just do...nothing. To not have to think about anything. To be able to not need to worry about how things will be like a few months/years from now.

Geez I looked so happy as a kid. My mom always did tell me that she loved my smile:)

And 19 years later....haha I think we both still look the same:)
though my smile's alot less naughty now.

~me~ at 8:45 PM

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sometimes I think I'm able to handle a situation, because I anticipated it coming a long way away..but then when I'm actually in that place, everything just comes unexpectedly, and I don't know how to react, I don't know what to say.

There's so much to do..but somehow I just can't sit down and get anything done, maybe cos it's still running though my head..how I felt when I heard how the situation turned out. Frankly I don't know why I was surprised, when I knew it would have happened eventually..but then I guess there was always some part of me that was just hoping. And then there's the way they handled everything..even in this last move, they still have to do things in their typically upsetting fashion.

~me~ at 7:23 PM

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

haai. long day..I was so sleepy in my last class..was literally struggling to stay awake while dr kumar was going on and on about breast lumps and what nots..

I have really scary classmates. one of them actually attended the same practical class twice, one after the other, just to re-enforce what she had learnt..and this other guy goes around stealing practical notes off the computer after class to get the best notes possible. scary...

on a light note, we had a nice adventure yesterday:) ollie and lm have a car! so exciting. think a car opens the door to so many possibilities..lots more gelato for supper, trips to newtown, and no more having to lug groceries home on the crowded bus :p yay.

yahui: haha thanks! I'll try :p
xinli: heh thanks for the support girl:) will reply your email soon!:)
jing: JING! hello:)
kian: check your mail:)
nicole: thank youuu. :) *hug*

~me~ at 11:14 PM

Monday, March 05, 2007

It's been a busy week! feels like there are a million things to get done, and that a million things are happening at the same time :p but I shouldn't complain..or stress out..I should just get things done! it's good that I'm kept busy..at least that stops me from thinking too much.

So things to tell..
1. My sister did superbly for her As for which I'm really really happy for her:)
2. I had gelato yesterday! after a few days of craving for it..I finally had a scrumptious scoop of tiramisu at bondi:)
3. I have finally waded through my first batch of S&H notes for the end-of-phase exam..so that leaves about ?80% of stuff left to study and get through.

Things I miss..
1. 5am talks with xinli & cindy
2. badminton sessions with the rgs gals
3. sleepovers at my sister's
4. Playing with lucas

~me~ at 2:25 AM

my search for verve

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 Most of the time, we're responsible for our own actions, and when something bad happens as a result of those actions, we have no one to blame but ourself. So then, if we know that that's true, why is it we still go on committing the same mistakes, and then end up feeling really lousy over them? I had a really sad dream last night. I dreamt I died (yes I know that sounds morbid, but don't worry I'm not having suicidal thoughts or anything) and that I had come back as a ghost..that I was floating among my families and friends, watching them live their daily life, watching as they cried at my funeral, as they talked about me..and it just felt so frustrating not being able to say anything to them, to tell them I was alright, and that I was right next to them :( And there were so many things I had wanted to do in my life that I hadn't done, and I just felt so sad :( but the saddest thing was just watching everyone else cry, without being able to do anything. I remember feeling regret, for things I had done, for things I hadn't yet done, and for not telling all my loved ones how much I really care for them. Right now, I just feel like giving each of my family members a hug. I feel like laughing and crying with my friends. I feel like giving lucas a biiig kiss on the cheek. I feel like giving buster a bath. I think I'm usually quite reserved when it comes to expressing my feelings to another person. Maybe cos I sometimes feel bad unloading a heap of worries on another, or I sometimes just wish a situation would disappear if I stop thinking about it long enough.So if you haven't heard these words from me for awhile, or I've never said them to you before in person, it's not because I don't care or I don't want to share my thoughts; it's just that sometimes we may assume some things are unspoken, and as a result we don't say these things out aloud, and we sometimes take for granted that the people around us are always going to be there, when the truth is, anything can happen. ~me~ at 4:59 PM Saturday, March 24, 2007 Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing things the way God would want me to. If I'm living my life the way I should be, or the way I want to. It's just so hard to understand at times, why certain things have to happen, or why sometimes some things just can't happen. This is a direct quote from my dear mother: foods + buying fake watches & t-shirts + LV, DIOR sunglasses + Bunds + fun bargaining = shanghai tour (QED) I wish equations like these were all I had to study. Haha. I have no idea what a "bund" is by the way. Weather today is a max of 34 degrees! hot :p gelato please..... ~me~ at 7:07 PM Sunday, March 18, 2007 The Servant Song Brother let me be your servant Let me be as Christ to you Pray that I may have the grace To let you be my servant too We are pilgrims on a journey We are brothers on the road We are here to help each other Walk the mile and bear the load. I will hold the Christ-light for you In the night time of your fear I will hold my hand out to you Speak the peace you long to hear. I will weep when you are weeping When you laugh, I'll laugh with you I will share your joy and sorrow Till we've seen this journey through. When we sing to God in heaven We shall find such harmony Born of all we've known together Of Christ's love and agony. Richard Gillard ruth: heh hmm I'm home most nights:) not sure what time that is for you though:) olivia: haha I think all babies look cute la:) its all part of the attachment theory thing right? xinli: haha no idea what happened. sob. ~me~ at 6:23 PM Friday, March 16, 2007 "Pssst..let me tell you a secret..." "Things are really alot simpler when you're a kid...you don't have to worry about responsibilities, studies, or the adult world..everything just seems fun and colourful and musical and everything little thing from taking your first bite of ice cream to tying your shoelaces for the first time is a new and wonderful experience.." hai. I so wish I could be a kid once more. I didn't appreciate being a kid enough when I was one. And now life's all about studies, responsibilities, and thinking about the future. Not that these are bad things, but sometimes I just wish that time would stop still, and I could have some time to just do...nothing. To not have to think about anything. To be able to not need to worry about how things will be like a few months/years from now. Geez I looked so happy as a kid. My mom always did tell me that she loved my smile:) And 19 years later....haha I think we both still look the same:) though my smile's alot less naughty now. ~me~ at 8:45 PM Saturday, March 10, 2007 Sometimes I think I'm able to handle a situation, because I anticipated it coming a long way away..but then when I'm actually in that place, everything just comes unexpectedly, and I don't know how to react, I don't know what to say. There's so much to do..but somehow I just can't sit down and get anything done, maybe cos it's still running though my head..how I felt when I heard how the situation turned out. Frankly I don't know why I was surprised, when I knew it would have happened eventually..but then I guess there was always some part of me that was just hoping. And then there's the way they handled everything..even in this last move, they still have to do things in their typically upsetting fashion. ~me~ at 7:23 PM Wednesday, March 07, 2007 haai. long day..I was so sleepy in my last class..was literally struggling to stay awake while dr kumar was going on and on about breast lumps and what nots.. I have really scary classmates. one of them actually attended the same practical class twice, one after the other, just to re-enforce what she had learnt..and this other guy goes around stealing practical notes off the computer after class to get the best notes possible. scary... on a light note, we had a nice adventure yesterday:) ollie and lm have a car! so exciting. think a car opens the door to so many possibilities..lots more gelato for supper, trips to newtown, and no more having to lug groceries home on the crowded bus :p yay. yahui: haha thanks! I'll try :p xinli: heh thanks for the support girl:) will reply your email soon!:) jing: JING! hello:) kian: check your mail:) nicole: thank youuu. :) hug ~me~ at 11:14 PM Monday, March 05, 2007 It's been a busy week! feels like there are a million things to get done, and that a million things are happening at the same time :p but I shouldn't complain..or stress out..I should just get things done! it's good that I'm kept busy..at least that stops me from thinking too much. So things to tell.. 1. My sister did superbly for her As for which I'm really really happy for her:) 2. I had gelato yesterday! after a few days of craving for it..I finally had a scrumptious scoop of tiramisu at bondi:) 3. I have finally waded through my first batch of S&H notes for the end-of-phase exam..so that leaves about ?80% of stuff left to study and get through. Things I miss.. 1. 5am talks with xinli & cindy 2. badminton sessions with the rgs gals 3. sleepovers at my sister's 4. Playing with lucas ~me~ at 2:25 AM
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