germy.

Friday, March 31, 2006

I wonder how people do it..how do they remain strong though things that you can't explain happen to you or your loved ones. I found out today during an SGS discussion that one of my classmates' dad has cancer..and the thing is, he's normally so jovial, so happy & so optimistic that I would never have guessed..it was really nice and brave of him to share his experience with us. The class was relatively subdued after hearing his story..I just really admire him for holding his life together so well despite all thats happened in his life. He just seems to excel in everything he does..I wonder how I would have dealt with it if put in a situation such as his.

Sometimes I think I turn to work as an escape from life..maybe thats what people do..busy themselves with other things to try to forget. But some things you're just unable to put out of your mind..anyway it's people like my classmate who make me realise that I really can't take anything in my life for granted. Anything can happen. And compared to so many people in the world, I'm so very blessed. So why do I get depressed about life at times? I shouldn't:) Or else maybe God will really decide to give me something to be depressed about.

anyway its been a looong day...9-5 with a one hour break...including a 4-hour SGS!haha yeah but wasn't too bad I guess. Everybody brought food..sally made a huge tin of fairy bread, james and kiran brought gummies and other stuff high in sugar to keep us awake, and even mike contributed with his tiny packet of apricots:) haha and gerard was showing me his works of art..apparantly he listens to opera music and writes his own lyrics to them!and his lyrics are FUNNY:) And they match up with the opera so well:) He just never ceases to surprise me. Sometimes I sit quietly in class and marvel at the talents of all my classmates..I think to myself that they're all gonna make really good doctors someday..and I feel inadequate in comparison to them at times. haha but not inadequate in a bad way..just that I really think they're all so smart and multitalented.

anyway I'm obviously not gonna get much work done tonight..sigh. think I need a bath.

~me~ at 12:57 AM

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Finding it hard to concentate on work now..especially cos it's almost dinner:) just feeling restless I suppose..and abit sick of neoplasia..although I do think it's pretty interesting, it's also kind of sad to think of the many deaths associated with cancer..

Well I had abit of a break from school life yesterday during band prac..though I think we're nowhere near ready for our performance in 2 weeks..haha and something kinda embarrassing happened.I was in the toilet before band prac..so I entered a cubicle, and swung my backpack over off my shoulder to hang on the door..suddenly there was a LOUD couple of clanking noises, and I realised in the process of swinging off my backpack my trusty pair of drumsticks had fallen out of my bag....and rolled underneath the cubicle walls to the neighbouring cubicles :( the entire toilet was silent cos of the really loud clunking sounds my sticks made when they hit the floor..and then I saw 2 different hands simultaneously pass me back my sticks from each side of the cubicle wall..I muttered thank yous and got out of there as quickly as I could :P Haha well the incident did kinda wake me up so that was good I guess..haven't been sleeping too well these couple of days..

And I had a nice little chat with Si Jia on the way home..talking to her now, its hard to imagine first meeting her all those years ago in RGS..sometimes life can just take little twists of fate and you end up in situations you would never imagine happening at a time..Haha I walked her back to her place by way of a little detour home..had some nice quiet time to myself as well. When you're on the move, your thoughts somehow move with your surroundings..you can dwell on serious matters for awhile, then just as suddenly, a random thought enters your mind when you see something passing by you on the street..haha like when I saw this really beautiful black dog..it wasn't on a leash but obediently running after his owner who was cycling along the footpath..so guai:) dogs can be such wonderful companions:)

Dinnertime!:)

~me~ at 10:53 PM

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

aahh..sigh a lousy day but somehow comforting:)

My stomach was kinda hurting the whole day and I've got a splitting headache now..but the cup of barley I have in front of me now is soothing.. :) partly cos I associate it as being a childhood drink..and also cos of the simple yet thoughtful intent behind it:) and also thanks ollie for the offer of meds! you guys are just too nice to me...

think I'm just gonna curl up in bed now...

and thanks for the pep talk:) no I don't think I've exactly lost faith in the whole idea..but I just find it scarier than ever now..how do we draw the line?

~me~ at 1:56 AM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Orders from my mom...to keep up-to-date with current affairs!she's gonna test me next week. haha earlier chris was updating me with news from the sunday times..bits I remember..
1. Some people in thailand smashed a buddha head. (something like that anyway)
2. Old Chang Kee now sells nasi lemak.

My sister kind of interrupted him by telling me about Lucas's recent new achievements of the week..
1. He can now roll over by himself!heh can just picture him rolling about his crib.
2. He can differentiate the different ends of his spoon now:)

Sigh I really should be doing work now..but so sleepy!probably a result of my earlier gluttony..for lunch I had this huge bowl of pasta..followed by TWO bowls of cereal..(Special K blueberry flavour is amazing!) and gloria's defrosting chicken for dinner now. hmm..

And so its sunday evening once again..why do weekends have to fly by so incredibly fast?:(

xinli & ruth: thank you fellow aunties!yes grocery shopping really can be therapeutic:) but not too good for my stomach though..so full now..
cindy: no its not the photo!he's truly a dark handsome boy!:)haha hey what's wrong with BLACK genes anyway??haha and I think you're in denial about the auntie status..

~me~ at 9:43 PM

Just spent some time going through the huge collection of photos on my computer..Some people say looking at pictures just makes them more sad..I guess for me I think being reminded of the people in my life makes up for it. Most of the time anyway:)

I figured something out this week. About myself. And biblestudy last night was enlightening. I like the way David gets to the point and doesn't leave us hanging to figure it out by ourselves. Haha then gloria was craving something soupy so me, her & ollie went to kingsford for supper afterward. And we had a nice talk on the way home:) Thanks glowie for helping me think things through.

I'm supposed to be doing work now..but my purple bedsheets look really inviting now:) Sigh. Life really is like a rollercoaster. You can feel on top of the world some days..and then the next you just come crashing down..and sometimes you can't really explain why either. Today wasn't a bad day by any standard..but I suddenly just feel really tired. And not just in the physical sense.

Ok in an effort to cheer myself up..lemme recap my night..didn't exactly feel like rushing home to do work after mass and dinner with merleen, so I decided to pop by coles to do some grocery shopping..yeah I know..pretty auntie to find solace in grocery shopping but I guess doing housewivish stuff can feel pretty de-stressing for me at times:) anyway I bumped into sunita and mythili by the eggs..so spent a little time teasing them about their cart full of junk food..then moved on abit and met mio at the cereal aisle!haven't seen her in ages..she cut her hair but she looks better than ever:) heh then later louisa caught up with me next to the poultry. And the next time I glanced at my watch, I realised 2 hours had gone by! Maan..I really am an auntie..spending 2 hours at the supermarket..plus I missed the last bus so I had to walk home.but the walk was kinda therapeutic:)

~me~ at 1:27 AM

Friday, March 24, 2006

For some reason..I'm feeling relatively happy tonight:)

Maybe it's just the idea of the impending weekend...maybe it was the silly antics during SGS..maybe it was the laughing at the dinner table tonight...maybe it was the receipt of a long email:) or just a combination of everything:)

yes the idea of assignments and projects are depressing (among other thoughts)..but sometimes it just takes a minute of reflection to realise how lucky I am:) And I am sleeeeeepy. good night world:)

~me~ at 1:20 AM

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

It's been 3 days since my last post..Where has my week gone? Not sure why but school seems so much more dreary this year..there suddenly seems to be so much more to think about..am I stressed? maybe. But there have also been nice little moments scattered here and there that lift my spirits...:) Internet and emails are really a wonderful invention:)

Sectionals yesterday was kinda fun:) To my embarrassment, I can't recall the name of the guy who's been playing timpani beside me for the last 3 weeks! I've just always thought of him as the 'timpani guy'..and it feels quite silly to have to ask him what his name is after so long..

Sigh..It's just felt like a particularly hectic 3 days..and as I was telling gloria, there are some days you just wake up in a particularly reflective mood and you can't explain why. Does excessive thinking = depressed girl? I think not all the time. But sometimes heavy thoughts on life really can get you down.

xinli: haha so I still look like I'm 5 now?? (or however old I was in the pictures) eh thanks. yeah but I miss my pajamas!:P
ruth: best of luck for your exams dear:) heh and check your mail:)
nad: haha strawberry shortcake dress..sounds so cute:) and delicious:)
nic: haha tan yes. but cutie pie? heh well thanks but think I just looked pretty mischievious as a kid.

~me~ at 8:59 PM

Sunday, March 19, 2006

I was just looking through the photos on my com..and I realise I really miss those strawberry pajamas. And my childhood that came along with it:)

~me~ at 10:22 PM

mass this morning was nice:) some people think it crazy to wake up at 7am on a sunday for 8am sunday mass, but somehow I think I prefer the atmosphere to the 8am mass to the more bustling, relatively more rowdy crowd later in the day..it was just so quiet...it's the kind of quiet that somehow soothes me even when there aren't any words. Like you know how you can feel comfortable with somebody even when there aren't any words being spoken? It's like a companiable silence:)

And I got to see Merleen again today:) she's so sweet..haha went to coles after mass with her..gave us abit of a chance to catch up with one another..and it was nice not to have to fight the queues at coles as I usually do after class in the afternoons on weekdays:)

Just got off the phone with my family:) there's just something about home that nothing else can replace...

my mom says I sounded really tired. Guess I am. So much seemed to happen this week. So much that confused me, so much that made me smile, so much that just adds to the million thoughts already floating around in my head. sigh.

And lynn, your email really made my day as well:) why is it we only treasure something so much more when we have less of it...or when it's gone?

~me~ at 9:41 PM

Another saturday gone by..why do the weekends fly by so fast?

I had a good bible study last night with gloria and ollie:) haha we felt kinda bad for not going for FOCUS but we made up for it by having our own little group study at our dining room table:) it was good in that I probably spoke up more than I would have if I had gone for FOCUS:)

The bible really confuses me at times.

Sometimes I wonder if a situation arose in which my faith was tested, I would fail. Doesn't the fact that I'm thinking this already mean I'm weak in faith? But then again, people say, in dire situations, you can surprise yourself. I guess it just means we can never know for sure what we will do, or what we won't do in a certain situation. It's just scary that life can be so uncertain, so shakey, so unpredictable. I remember gloria and ollie saying this yesterday, "Nothing's for certain, except God." I really thank God for them. :)

And this is really off-topic, but it's kinda weird how the topic of 'luck' came up 3 times today in 3 seperate conversations with 3 different people. Do you believe in luck? Guess I'm not even sure what luck is supposed to mean. Yeah I feel lucky, in a blessed sort of way, but most of the time I feel I don't have good luck. like the kind of good luck in mahjong, or winning the lottery. Then again that kind of luck is never really neccessary..in a way its good not to have that sort of luck, or else you'd just be alot harder to please when it came to other things in life.

And in a form of procrasination, I moved around my furniture in my room abit today:) Also cos I got kinda weirded out by waking up to my reflection every morning I guess:) yep don't worry mom...my bed's not facing the door:)

~me~ at 12:22 AM

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Me and my sisters gave this to my mom as a xmas present year before last:) And this is my mom's theory...

The 3 cacti represent the 3 of us..as the year 2005 arrived and the wedding took place, one small bud came out from the yellow cactus. Then come the birth of Lucas, another smaller second bud came out from the yellow cactus. At the same time, the yellow and green cacti were deviating further from the pot..

So according to her, my elder sister = yellow cactus. First small bud = chris. Second small bud = Lucas:) Growing at more and more of an angle = she's moving out soon.

me = green cactus. Started growing outwards when I left for australia..supposed to mean I left home I guess. And apparantly a small bud's started growing out of the green cactus..haha.

my younger sister = red cactus. Still straight. Still at home.

For so long I've been telling myself to forget..but I guess on some level I never really did forget. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself..or maybe I was just trying to think optimistically..I don't know. Do I really know myself? does anyone?

Somone told me this.."As we grow older, we find less reasons to smile and laugh.." It's kinda true on some level I suppose..but not necessarily a bad thing..I think it just means we're growing older. as in we find ourselves thinking more about the things that await us in life, and what we want for ourselves..maybe there are less things to smile and laugh about, but I guess it just makes us treasure more the things worth smiling about.

And yet another splash of random thoughts...

xinli: heh yep I'm doing fine:) and I can't believe you and cindy were talking about me behind my back so blatantly on msn...hmph. :)
olly: yep that was a pretty sad clinical session..but learnt abit out of it too:) heh yay and you've got nice pics on your blog now too:)

~me~ at 11:10 AM

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Was a long day at school..but feeling quite awake now after dinner...and although long, my day wasn't too bad:)

Scenario group today was especially entertaining..today's topic was 'fractures'..kinda a stale topic but my classmates made it rather enjoyable..some little bits of the day that stand out in my mind..

1. mike: wait one last important question! *significant pause* do bananas have seeds? (he'd just gobbled down a banana.)

2. gerard asked me to write down my chinese name for him..
gerard: ok..so that means 'wood'..and that means 'ground' right? (He was refering to my surname in chinese) er so does that mean your family has a history of agriculture?? (I have no idea if he was joking or serious)

And band prac was pretty nice too..though it was an off day for me...somehow couldn't quite concentrate on the pieces and it was super cold in clancy auditorium..but I'm still happy at the thought of having music back in my life again:) the conductor's really nice and encouraging..kinda reminds me of lao shi:)

Clinical yesterday was abit sad..but at the same time its heartening to know the strong kinds of characters there are in this world..we talked to this patient who's had 4 different kinds of arthritis for the last 20 years..he described feeling pain all over his body and his knees and elbow joints were all swollen..I can't even begin to imagine the pain he must have to endure everyday..he was admitted cos he had fallen from the pain and ended up taking out a huge chunk of meat from his arm..but he was still so gung-ho about his whole situation..my tutor said that most other people would have committed suicide long ago just to escape from the pain..and he was so nice to talk to us..I guess he's had his condition for so long he's practically immune to the pain..Life is just so unpredictable..this guy was a waterpolo sportstar in his youth and he now can barely walk 5 metres by himself..

And something to think about..is it possible to love someone without feeling close to the person? like how sometimes you would do things for a family member/relative without hesitating..is that love? or obligation? sometimes it's just hard to admit to things cos we refuse to believe something of ourselves...

sorry alot of random thoughts tonight.

~me~ at 12:33 AM

Sunday, March 12, 2006

A typical aussie day at the beach:) why didn't we do this more often guys? yep it was hot and sandy and crowded..but I enjoyed myself:) the girls were there mainly for the tan but I was there just to soak in the atmosphere I suppose:) and it was fun:)

and gloria was in a photo-taking mood..I hold no responsibility for the shots of her hand and feet. I think the beach sky looks just too perfect for taking photos..its such a clear clear blue..I spent some time just marvelling at the cloudless blue sky..the sky almost looks like a backdrop in the photos..:)

spending time at the beach today reminded me of the last time I was at the beach..back on sentosa.. it was beach volleyball and frisbee all the way that day..did vastly different things today on the beach but I enjoyed myself all the same:) think the laid-back aussie attitude is getting to me..

I don't mean to go completely off-topic, but lately it seems as if so many of the people I care about are troubled over a serious matter of some sort..and sometimes I wonder if what I say really has any effect on making them feel better..just wish I could do something more at times.

Lord, make me an intrument of your peace
Where there is hatred..let me sow love
Where there is despair..pardon
Where there is doubt..faith
Where there is darkness..light
Where there is sadness..joy
Oh Divine Master grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled..as to console
To be understood..as to understan
To be loved..as to love

For
It is giving..that we receive
It is in pardoning..that we are pardoned
It is in dying..that we are born to eternal life.

~me~ at 11:16 PM

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Do you even remember me?

~me~ at 1:16 PM

I love my hat!

~me~ at 1:15 PM

wanton madness:)

~me~ at 1:14 PM

Bible study last night was good:) the new group was smaller than expected but quite a variety of characters:) We're studying Phillipians this semester; I was reminded last night..Of how life does involve suffering. Involves ups and downs and trials and tribulations..I guess the thing to do is to stay strong and find a way to get through life..cos it's through hard times that we find out more about ourselves..that we realise more what it is we want in life and the kind of person we want to be.

For some reason, I miss home even more now than I did last year. But as someone told me, there's a difference between missing home and being homesick. I think going home during the summer break had a good effect as much as a bad effect..it reminded me again all too clearly of what I have back in singapore..at the same time the idea of not going home at all is too sad to think about.

But I really am thankful..

1. For gloria and LM -- who keep me company those long walks to school. esp gloria who entertains me with her paranoid delusions of life:)

2. For olivia -- for being my fellow bible study group member. For bringing me closer to God. And for her pillow:)

And jeh -- thanks for your email:) I really miss you.

~me~ at 12:40 PM

Thursday, March 09, 2006

It's felt like a loooong day..but just glad to be home now..

Hmm but I shouldn't complain..my days aren't really that bad..probably I'm just abit groggy cos I woke up early today..not sure why either..but my day wasn't too bad:)

heh dinner with faith last night was nice:) fat and ollie joined us so all of us had fun wrapping wantons..haha faith accidentally bought veal meat instead of pork so half of our wantons ended up being veal wantons instead of pork wantons..sounds weird but they ended up tasting pretty good actually:) and we had a whole bunch of filling leftover so we fried meatballs! then ate them ikea-style with strawberry jam:) haha they tasted alot better than our last attempt to make meatballs..compliments to chef gloria!:)

I'll pray for you tonight. I know things seem bad now..but life is a rollercoaster!you're down now but soon it'll go up:) Just think positive..I know it's hard but it's the only thing that can keep us going at times..know I'm always always here to listen:) or to read your words as they appear on my screen anyway:) no matter. typing's a pain but better than nothing! I miss you. Take care:)

Why is it everything bad seems to happen at a go at times? Sometimes I wonder if being optimistic is a good thing..sure it never helps to think negatively but what if we're only giving ourselves false hopes by thinking positively? I've always been pretty optimistic at times..but sometimes I wish I could do more for the people I care for. Sometimes you just don't know how to help the situation..only thing we can do is pray. and hope. and believe that something good can come out of any situation as long as we look on the bright side. The bright side..someone always cares..and someone's always willing to listen..as long as you're willing to share your story.

Ok I gotta get some work done now.

Haha and gloria and LM say they feel like pancakes now. for dinner? oh well I guess work can wait.

~me~ at 9:34 PM

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Yay! Thanks to the combined efforts of gloria and me..we’ve got internet!!:)

Haha I know it’s only been a couple weeks but it’s felt like forever man..but first a few words…

Xinli: congrats on your driving!!haha I feel way outdated man. But yeah next time it’ll be your turn to drive us to supper:) and thanks for the pictures!:)
Lynn: heh I enjoyed our kooky day as well:) and you think too highly of me. Just know that I’ll always be rooting for you:)
Ruth: Feels like I’ve so much to tell you. Heh I’ll email you soon!soon soon.

I just returned from a jog..my first official effort at exercise since returning to Sydney:) at least the weather was nice and cool today..it somehow seems a lot warmer than I remember it to be this time last year..but yep it felt nice letting off some pent up energy..at least now my mom won’t be able to accuse me of not getting any physical exercise..

Anyway the modem finally got delivered to our place yesterday afternoon..but we had some problems getting it to work last night :P kinda frustrating..like how we were sooooo close but not quite there yet..as gloria put it..

“It’s like how you drive a looong way for something you’ve been craving to eat…..then after waiting really really long for a parking lot and finally being able to get out of the car..you find that the store selling the craved food in mind is closed!”

Yep but like I told her..I guess it’s even better now cos we’re doubly happy at finally getting the internet:) then again this is really just a small matter..I mean it’s just internet right? We shouldn’t get too attached to it..but I guess in life it’s easy to tell yourself one thing..being able to really believe it is another thing. Yes but I diverge. so after being put on hold on the phone for a long long time..I finally got some helpful information out of the internet support staff and tada!:)

Anyway gotta go now..faith’s coming over and we’re gonna make wantons for dinner!she’s so nice:)

~me~ at 5:39 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

hey everyone!another random post..

The weekend flew by pretty quickly for me..filled with random nice little moments..talking to my family..saturday brunch with gloria & ollie (french toast and scrambled eggs!)..louisa and ling visiting me at my new place..

Was pretty excited to hear that Lucas is now eating!as in eating food. Well I don't know if baby rice mixed with milk constitutes as real food but he's actually started feeding himself with a spoon!so exciting..and I actually missed it :( oh well my sister said she'd try to videotape all his special first moments for me..but hard to believe it's only been about 2 weeks since I left..feels like I've missed out on so much that's happened back home already..and I really do miss everyone. but all your tags never fail to make me smile:) I miss blogging about my life to you guys as well:)

Anyway in the library now killing time before my next class in half an hour..gone are the days when I would zip back to creston across the street in between classes..haha but I'm not complaining. It feels nice living on my own now:) It takes about half an hour to walk to class every morning but it's always nice taking the loooong walk to uni with gloria & LM:) plus good exercise!and it feels nice being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want:) oh and this is random but I don't think I'll forget this for awhile..when we went grocery shopping on saturday the supermarket actually ran out of plastic bags!I didn't think that was possible. So people had to cart things away in boxes or trolleys..It's unheard of. how could a supermarket run out of plastic bags??

lynn: hang in there!yep exams suck but if anyone can get through them it's you:)
gary: haha oops. well you can give me another lesson in seafood the next time I return!and I promise I'll remember harder!
ruth: and I miss you! :P

~me~ at 3:25 PM

Saturday, March 04, 2006

debs: haha yes that was the whole point of posting the photo:) so everyone would know about your spot. heh and I miss you. :)
mandy: heh heh. oops.
nad: thanks girl I'm doing fine:) as well as can be anyway:) but I really miss home..
nic: I'm returning erm...july? or nov? sigh haven't decided yet..but hopefully sooner than I think:)
xinli: I miss blogging too!but soon soon..as soon as the annoying aussies quickly set up my internet at my place..and I miss reading your blog as well:)
ruth: yep it really is:) thanks dear!

In ollie's room at IH now!invading her room..and her internet:)

haha quick update..it's been a busy first week but kinda interesting:) went for bible study welcome dinner last night and late night mahjong at our place after that!Then woke up to brunch of french toast, ham & eggs with gloria and ollie and going to coles now and the weekend seems to be flying by so fast.. :(

heh sorry I would go into more details now but gloria and ollie are patiently waiting for me now. mardi gras parade later plus the creston girls maybe coming to visit my new room:) I miss you everyone back home!!Love you guys:) I'll check in again soon:)

~me~ at 2:44 PM

Thursday, March 02, 2006

hello everyone!quick update:)

don't have internet at my place yet so haven't been blogging..feels kinda surreal to be back here but lotsa things are different this year..I've been kept pretty busy since coming here..so that's good in that I haven't really had time to think about home:)

There seem to be so much more things to think about this semester..not just about moving out but about schoolwork..but I'm not complaining though..in a way it's good to settle most of the things that have been on my mind for the last year but it's just the beginning of more to come..

anyway gotta go for class now. Take care everyone back home:)

~me~ at 10:25 AM